whittenorr: i just got really fucked up thinking about clouds weigh as much as an elephant or a 747 or more but still float literally full of electricity much like your standard vibrator pisses rain all over us ungrateful bastards make cool shapes like rabbits or dongs they dont give a fuck where they go they just go to trash shit props clouds, you’re metal as hell
onefitmodel: realising that we’re almost halfway through the year 2013 and i have literally achieved nothing
chickenmcnope: rnackenzie: i wanna make a giant pizza and live inside of it A Pizza Hut
scribblescourge: My mother just came with the groceries and I opened the door and without thinking asked “swiggity swag what’s in the bag” and she replied “bip boop bop bread and flip-flops
australiansanta: instead of funeral why can’t it be called life graduation
owlapin: owlapin: owlapin: MICROSOFT WORD HAS A FUCKING “INSERT CITATION” BUTTON WHY THE FUCK DID NO ONE EVER TELL ME THIS IS SIGNIFICANT INFORMATION FUCK THE SCHOOL SYSTEM THIS IS MICROSOFT WORD 2007 I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MADE AWARE OF THIS IN HIGHSCHOOL WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK I HATE EVERYTHING you can fucking log your sources into your document and then at the end press a fucking button and...
thernardier: “you wanna see my breasts” i say seductively to my boyfriend. i unbutton my shirt to reveal two large, succulent cuts of meat. i am a chicken. why do i have a boyfriend. why am i wearing clothes
majortvjunkie: it’s ok if you hate me as long as I hated you first
the-yolocaust: townsvillain: the-yolocaust: ʎɐƃ ɹnoʎ sıɥʇ pɐǝɹ uɐɔ noʎ ɟı *əɹ,noʎ
an-egg: I FFUCKING FOUOND A SHREK TEXT GENERATOR AND IM ALUGHING SO ARHARD
psychoticmist: if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’
feefeeri: so i bumped into this kid i used to go to school with 3 years below me down at the train station today and i somehow managed to make him buy me a watermelon from the grocery store but then i took it one step further and convinced him that we needed party hats for both us and the watermelon i’ve barely even spoken to this kid before in my life and he did exactly what i said without...
malijuanastyles: i was sitting in the bathroom today when like 5 girls walked in and i stopped pooping right away cause i didn’t want them to hear me but then i thought why is taking a shit so bastardized today like why cant i poop in peace in the privacy of my own stall without caring if people listen to the flop flop plop plop sploosh sploosh like damn just sing along to the ploop blop and...
woooopvroom: starships were meant to fly
metallikato: generallegendary: metallikato: jewelstaites: how to give a good handjob bop it pull it twist it harder better faster stronger You pull your left hand in You pull your left hand out You pull your left hand in And you shake it all about! Cha cha real smooth
swagchat: swagchat: swagchat: what type of music do chiropractors listen to hip-pop
foodnun: mynamekyle: Do you guys remember the time I was a senior in high school and had to create a commercial for my economics class and so I produced this and showed it to the class and nobody laughed except for me but I still got an A and my teacher kept the DVD to show to his classes every year? Because I do. iconic
playstation2chainz: so ur telling me all mothers were born today